- The Criminal Cried
The criminal cried
The criminal cried as he dropp’d him down
In a state of wild alarm
With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown
I bar’d my big right arm
I siez’d him by his little pigtail
And on his knees fell he, as he squirm’d and struggled
And gurgled and guggled
I drew my snickersnee
Oh ne’er shall I forget the cry or the shriek that shriek-ed he
As I gnash’d my teeth, when from its sheath I drew my snicker snee!
We know him well, he cannot tell
True or grounded tales
He always tries not to utter lies
And ev’ry time he fails
He shiver’d and shook as he gave the sign for the stroke he didn’t deserve
When all of a sudden his eye met mine and it seem’d to brace his nerve
For he nodded his head and kiss’d his hand, and he whistled an air did he
As the sabre true cut cleanly through his cervical vertebree, his vertebree!
When a main’s afraid a beautiful maid is a cheering sight to see;
And it’s oh, I’m glad, that moment sad, was sooth’d by sight of me!
Her terrible tale you can’t assail,
With no truth does it agree
Her taste exact for fault filled fact
Amounts to a disease.
Now before you’d have said that head was dead, (For its owner dead would be he),
He twisted his neck, with a smile well-bred, and bowed three times to me!
It was none of your impudent off-hand nods, but as humble as could be;
For he clearly knew the deference due to a man of pedigree, of pedigree!
And it’s oh, I vow, this deathly bow, was a touching sight to see;
Though losing life, yet he couldn’t forget, the deference due to me!
This haughty youth, he speaks the truth
Whene’er he finds it pays
And in this case, it ne’er took place
Exactly as he says!
Exactly, Exactly as he says!